GONE

Prior to starting the new blog, I've put considerable time in recovering my previous life. No, I didnt die or kill anyone; it's more of a realization - a life/death moment. You know, one day I woke up and said "I dont want to do this anymore" - austerity. It's been a few months and a year since the author ended his existence under his old moniker - confrontation was the necessary act! It goes a little like this...

JJ

…was born 25 years ago, 4 minutes after leap year in 1980. My first name at the time was Free; a month after my birth my name changed to John (damn my progressive thinking hippy parents). Around the age of 2 I got stuck with the nickame of JJ - it stuck with me for 21 years. I wont bore you with the specifics and details during my childhood; which I enjoyed, hated and loved - unconditional love/hate sty-lee! I never made an attempt to use my real name since it reminded me of my father, whom I was named after. I should say that I did not see my father after my second birthday; I didnt speak to my father for 22 years. 22 years gives you a long time to think about your life, transgression, regression, lateral… all the angles. If you cant go through, go around, under, over, right, left… feel me? Basically, learn to deal with it….I’ve dealt with my father and the issues surrounding that shit. Dealing with my father and said (well, unsaid issues) I’ve learned to accept myself for who I really am, not what surrounds me – invading me, killing me softly.

So… allow me re-introduce myself (I’m rocking the Grey Album right now)…

I’ve gone by John for a year and change. Why – I’ve grown up, surprise! John is the good guy JJ wanted to be. The earlier incarnate of my current self wasn’t terrible; filled with flaws, self doubt, questioning, not understanding, fake plastic tree shit. I’m not perfect like a Monet – don’t take this as an ego boost – a work in progress, life - unpredictable, unexplainable and a lot of fucking fun!

By using my real name and working with my real feelings I’ve changed my future. Sure, I’ve lost a lot of the past; friends, shared experiences, undocumented thoughts… I lost a lot, more than anyone REALLY knows. I’m not jaded over my decisions or past actions; I’m looking forward to how my decisions impact my future. I changed my name, which changed my mentality, which changed my future – follow me? It makes sense in my ghetto-logic. So, now that I’ve documented my origins (in a short cigarette conversation sty-lee) allow me to move forward...

Fireworks please!

posted by Not Jon  # 5/10/2005 04:36:00 PM