GONE

Patiently I've sat back, letting it happen to me, consuming me until I cant take it anymore. Time to move on... I'm ready now, I wasnt ready a few weeks ago even though the thought crossed my mind. Now that it's here and I've made my choice I'm at loss... What's next, well, a whole lot of work =) I'll enjoy it, I know!

I'm happy. I have a few things I could bitch (not really) about but more to celebrate! I'm making progress and changing my life not letting change find me.

Positive Mental Attitude.

I'm moving, finally! It wasnt too hard to make up my mind either! Granted, seeing roaches at 2 apartments had my spirits down and the apartment I saw today wasnt very encouraging either. Sure, the house needs work but why complain. I'm sayin, 3 floors vs 1 bed room, come on! Plus the rent is cheaper than a 1br apartment plus I can create the inside to my match artistic creative desires! Sure, it's not the bachelor pad I previously owned. My old was pimp, I know that, everyone did! I'll miss it, memories and late nights. Dramatic shit went down and 5803 Apt 3 Walnut St - shit that changed my life...

Today has been good, despite the heat and the distance covered... I dont know if she's pushing me away to keep me safe or to clear her mind or whatever. Tonight was a bit weird though, distant and quiet. I felt nervous for some reason, I think it's the move and other things this process will require thats causing my restlessness and quiet moments.

I can see alot, I have good vision. I wont bother her though, I dont know everything but I do know more than I did yesterday! I'm afraid to ask because of my position. I'm trying, I really am. I'm not lying to her, I want to make things easy for her however she wants it. Holding her, talking to her, kissing her, taking care of her sick or healthy. Only if she wants it...

I feel she wants it but I also feel she cant let something else go. I know it's hard for her, I know it's hard for him, it's not supposed to be easy. There's no manual or propa way to do this other than moving on, slowly but open minded to what's led up to said point and what's keeping your head up. Please, dont let it get the best of you no matter what happens. Make the best choices now, preparing for the future. Dont think you've made any mistakes either...

I try to smile and enjoy what I have going for me. I recommend and practice what I preach! Sure, I have other thoughts bringing me down but not more than the happy thoughts, the happy moments and new moments. I control my future, I make my happiness I dont let it find me. I know it's progressing forward, I'm glad but dont let a few bad moments ruin the process. Dont lose site of how far you've come - ever! Dont lose site of what you have right now...

These things effect me as much as it effects her. I'm invovled and ...... Sitting across from me, thinking - all I want to do is know what she's starring off into the distance dwelling upon. I dont want to ask, I want it to flow from her, naturally and freely. Is the baseball game that good, in the first inning? Maybe I'm making this is more than it is, but, what I see has me thinking... what I read has me thinking and now what I type has me thinking...

Briefly holding you in my arms and almost leaving without a "see you soon" kiss?

I know this weekend isnt what either of us excpected. True, it's not here yet. Neither of us know what's going to happen. It's coming though... We'll make the best of it regardless of what happened to bring this about/us. I'm excited, even though I dont know what to expect. Expect nothing and get everything!

Damn. I hope my dvd's are ok.