GONE

My ears were graced with Idiot Pilot this morning, first song I listened to:
click HERE to listen

I get a call from Neek-o, he’s into the first leg on his drive to Bonnaroo Music Festival. He’s happy, pre-loving it! We shared a joke from the old days when Nick said he lived vicariously through me – the OLD me! Sometimes, for brief moments I miss my old days. After all, I wouldn’t be the heady guy you know today! I had some good moments back then and have even better moments now! Surprisingly, Nick saw this in me realized my potential, stayed and became and true fried – I’m very thankful for that! No one is perfect; all us have issues (which is why I want to make my “I Have Issues” t-shirt), drama and such. These “imperfections” make us unique, challenging and special. You should value those who stick around through your ups and downs; those who are willing to see past the wall of protection – slowly removing the bricks. Have you ever thought on your faults and what you can/could do to work towards something higher, full bodied? I have, I still do.

Patience (dealing with stressful situations and people in my life)
Respect (for myself, my actions, my situations and people in my life)
Responsibility (for my actions, thoughts)
Compassion (for the individuals around me, environments, attitudes and differences)

Don’t take this as my testament that I never possessed these qualities or traits. My way of putting this would be that I pushed them aside (at times), never utilizing these negatives to build positives. Never searching for why I had “problems” with these thoughts/actions and what I could do to improve. Honestly, I knew one day I’d have to master these basic but necessary thoughts and actions. One day… Then one day it all came tumbling down, destroying my “reality” and all that I knew. Thing is, I knew there were better ways to think and act; it took some ill drama to get to this point. The point you see me at now. I’ll tell you more if you ask….

So where was I; I remember, somewhere between earth and heaven. During my drift into work I had a conversation with myself; self-actualization vs self-image actualization. Quite intense for an early morning drive! Yes, there is a difference between self-actualization and self-image actualization. Most people only live for their image, that is why where some have a self, a starting point, most people have a void, because they are so busy projecting themselves as this or that, dedicating their lives to actualize a concept of what they should be like rather than to actualize their ever-growing potentiality as a human being. Wasting, dissipating all their energy in projection and conjuring up a façade, rather than centering their energy on expanding and broadening their potential or expressing and relaying this unified energy for efficient communications, emotional bonding, intellect, etc.

For me, discussing my growth and realization(s) without touching on this subject would hinder the process in place. Not to share my thoughts on this matter would be rude, what if another person has insight I can’t see or understand? Listening is vital part of this process of self-actualization. Self actualization is the highest state of enlightenment, freedom in thought and emotions, purity. My process of self actualization is the search for my real self, showing my true being. This is a very difficult path for anyone, including myself. I want to share and I want to listen…

Part of this process (for me) was to see my faults, hindrances and obstacles for what they are. I need to understand (even remind myself) that these objects have shaped my views of self and others. These faults, my faults, do not mean I am unable to grow, learn and change. For me, I must realize what it is that I’m striving to perfect or work at.

I know and feel that I’ve came a LONG WAY from the ignorance that used to be myself. Ignorance is not bliss, ignorance is not tolerance, ignorance is ignorance and it fucking stinks! To see the change in myself, realizing how I’ve grown, that means something! To see others appreciate the change, stick by you, listen… that means something! To have someone/people notice this, comment on this, discuss and listen, that means something!

You know, the small actions make up the big picture, grandeur!