GONE

Today I made love for 6 hours! You may ask how; stamina, persistence, dedication, patience, sweat, compassion and a caring nature to see you look good. I have a lot to give you; hopefully you’re willing to let us continue.

For her, I only want the best. I care, I really do – I care so much that I’m willing to see every detail and deal with every inch of you, interior and exterior - for what it is and could be – good and bad – what I see and can’t always reach. You’re beautiful. I chose to get to know for you for a reason, I noticed something. I notice when you’re polluted, lonely – sitting alone, waiting for me to take you out for a spin. Sometimes that’s all I will think about, sometimes it’s the last thing I think about. All that I want is to show you happiness, joy. I do these things because of my feelings for you; I feel you care about me too! I know we mean to do good for each other despite the impact weather has on us.

I know we have moments when we let each other go by the side, trying to please ourselves and sometimes hurting the other. We’re working at it, learning and experiencing. I’m still involved regardless of the fear I have each time I get behind the wheel – I’m strong, you’re strong. Please don’t be afraid, you know my hands and my actions could devour you, please know I’m not like that and I wouldn’t do that – I’m not in your life for that reason. I’m here for you, as a friend and as a passenger – to help you.

Smile

Maybe you needed a moment to think on how much I make you smile; I did. I know you’re capable of many things and I want to bring these positive things out in you. Trust me, I don’t and haven’t forgotten what you’ve done for me, shared with me, even though it’s only been a short time that we’ve known each other. I know there is something worth keeping, meaningful. I will take care of you later in the week if you let me, if you want me to. Hopefully the weather plays along. I can’t clean you if it’s raining. I know you’re just a car, but I care. Honestly, whole-heartedly.

Ayla has a beautiful shine to her, despite today’s rain. 6 hours of caring; wash and scrub, wash and scrub, wax, clean, dust, unwax, sweep, gloss, shine and appreciate. Yes, I named my car with a female name. Why, I’m a guy, I should’ve bestowed something rugged. Women can be tough – as a product of a single parent home I can easily respect this. So, Ayla it is…

I realized she’s a trooper, she’s classy, she’s good to me – those are some of the things I like. She’s been through a lot in my hands and hopefully I haven’t put her through too much grief. We had a moment a few weeks ago; I thought she was too hurt to continue. Turns out all 4 rotors and breaks were worn down. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t read the manual (is there one?). I should’ve done more, but, she wasn’t showing me clear signs of what she needed me to do. Maybe she has to tell me….

I cant believe my car and I have a relationship like this. I’m learning a lot, I’ve learnt how much I care. It shows, I cant hide it. My grandfather noticed my caring as well.

Jidu: “J, you take care of your car like you take care of a woman.”
Me: “Yep, that’s true Jidu. I know it takes hard work, commitment and dedication. I could let this beautiful thing fall apart, or trade it in – I don’t want to do either. I like what I have, even though it needs work, as long as it’s dependable I’m ok.”

Funny…

I did a lot of activities besides clean my car. Despite getting the least amount of sleep, I was very productive. I got up and cleaned my pad, then played b-ball. I worked out and decided to clean Ayla (as the above book states). I managed to finish my “to-do-list” by 7pm, enough time for a game of tennis! We only played a set, quickly. I finished him off without incident. I got skillz, I got game and I’m more than willing to teach you.

After all that time in the sun and physical activity I found myself unable to communicate. My mom realized when she saw me. I’m saying, you could see I was exhausted, she did! I spent the prime-daylight hours in direct sun! It was worth it… the more I sweat the more I lose. 9pm rolls around and I’m useless. It hurts to type; I could barely do much of anything. I had time to check my email and read a blog or two – more to ponder.

Hmmmmmmm

What am I doing to you? What are you thinking? I wish I could talk to you but would it help or hurt – you said you needed “me time”? I think I heard your call, I was on my way to la-la land, I thought I was dreaming again. Plus I had headphones on to easy my transition into sleep. You know, I woke up after midnight and noticed you really did call, it wasn’t a dream! Please hear me out, try to understand. Don’t be mad – even if you’re being nice and I’m being a dick. I should’ve started the day off better, I know that now. I wasn’t planning on seeing your distaste; I wasn’t really sure what was going on with you. All I knew is what we said Saturday, late night and what I thought about on Sunday. I know I need to tell you, I owe that to you. I’ll give you my respect if you want it.

Last thoughts before I fell asleep…

- Remember why your doing this and what you’re doing John -

I remember last Monday and the memories… more please.