GONE

I no longer have the rage I felt prior to moving. Alot of variables to think about and pursue, tasks to accomplish and cleaning that was sooo necessary with this old but new home of mine. The rage has faded but I still have this memory / picture.




Friday was another busy day for me with the move. I had to finish cleaning the walls, run the wet-vac, get cable and internet installed plus tidy up the mess left by 6 months of vacancy. Ohh, I actually got on my hands and knees to clean the hardwood! Total time cleaning the house on Friday = 12 hours - alone.

I had to finish packing my clothes friday night, not easy. I swear I have too many useless articles of clothing that I've grown out of (weight wise) or never wore. Christ, those 2 sentencens make me sound like a materialistc women obsessing about clothes (not really). If anyone needs any baggy gear let me know.. I have plenty to give! I'm going to Salvation Army and the Red-White-Blue store this weekend to donate my old gear so speak up if you want anything!

Friday night, cleaning my pad and enjoying the last memories I'll have of the old place...quite a few thoughts and alot of good memories to reflect on. Is this really to be my last evening in the old place? I tried to go outside and sit on the rocks but it didnt feel right... I wasnt down or upset; stressed and without anyone to talk to. I could call someone, it's only midnight on Friday; where's my phone?

And so...
1 hour turns into 2.5 hours, 20 minutes in 5 seconds thoughts, over-analysis and hanging onto every word as if it were the last words I'd hear. Was it necessary sooo late/early in the morning? I'm sorry for being too analytical, I'm sorry for being intense but, this is me; in all my splendor and stupidity! At least we didnt hang up on each other; that would've hurt more than the variable of thoughts running through my mind.

We'll see what happens in the morning when I wake up.

-> Saturday / "moving day"

"Bright and early boys!"

props to my brother, Ricky (little) and Adam for the assistance!





It would've been impossible to load up 5 rooms of furniture and my life alone. I know that. Regardless of how hard I tried I would've been unable to do this on my own, thanks guys!

Of course I had to deal with 3 friends torturing me, verbally. Actually, it hurt all damn day (it wasnt their fault). I doubt they knew their words were taken to heart by me or how bad they hurt (even though they were jokes). I'm aware that they had no idea of the conversation I had a few hours prior to the move. I doubt they knew how much I really missed her and I thought about...

I know the radio wasnt showing me any mercy. "Let me hold you" - I heard that song 7 times on Saturdy and I had enough of it, today wasnt the day for me to hear that song! I can change the station.... I'm sure I can find other stations to satisfy me on the 45 minute drive to the new house.

-> Unload UHaul

It's hot when we arrive at the house. I think the thermostat read 85 degree's.... balls sweat weather. Luckily we were able to park in front of the house without incident. My cousin who specialized in driving "heavy machinery" in the Army was able to whip the diesel (deez'ul) propa. I would've been in a jam if it werent for him! Thanks Ricky!

We tossed, dropped, stumbled and bled our way through the process of unloading the truck. Painful. Tiresome. Hot. Jaded. I wanted the move to end. I wanted to be left in my house to play, unpack and design. After 3.5 hours of work we finally finished our task! loading -> drive -> unload. Thanks, all I can do is thank you guys! Time to get you bitches back on the highway; I'm tired....





Luckily they were able to leave me to my own devise; putting items away, cleaning, singing, thinking and running around letting my adhd expedite my move-in process. Thanks! I worked hard to meet my "finished by 9pm" deadline. I finished in time plus I was able to get a nap in the new sunroom. I did a bit more than nap though... I puffed down, talked on the phone (for a moment) and listened to the sounds of my new working class neighborhood.




I got some appliances installed and worked on hanging up my pictures and other personal belongings. There's only soo much I can do for one day... I did alot! The second and third floors have to wait a bit. I need my studio and sunroom finished though which I may not be able to wait.... I know I couldnt wait to shower and sleep - I NEEDED to shower and sleep badly. You dont want to know how bad I smelled by 11pm...

And my first night of sleep in the new house.... odd, peaceful, quiet, dark, playful and alone. Is this how I thought I'd spend the first night in my new house? Yes! Did I want to be there, alone. No. Considering the weekend events in both our lives I knew Saturday was a "pipe-dream" (thanks Pookey). What if... Doesnt really matter now. In some odd way I'm glad _everything_ happened this way... I needed to do this alone (with the brief help of a few) and she needed to take care of your situation alone. I was there for her even with my own drama... I was thinking about her.... I missed her...

I woke up on Sunday with a new environment. It felt good to have my first floor finished; living room setup (minus the futon mattress) and dining room fixed. It felt soo good to make breakfast (eggs and baked beans), enjoy a delicious cup of coffee and to smoke a rather large spliff while I watched Tiger win the British Open.

I took care of some errands on Sunday and spent most of the afternoon putting away groceries and hanging up curtains. I relaxed alot, built a fountain in the sun room and just enjoyed the day in my new environment; one I worked hard for.

Joy came over on Sunday. Joy left Sunday night.

I can sum the evening up quickly; emotional. I could go on and on about the conversations, thoughts, tears and smiles but you dont want to hear that do you? Do I want to rehash, yes. Slightly though. It was very emotional and I wasnt prepared for any of it. I wasnt sure what to expect and trust me this was different that the "expect nothing get everything" theory. Maybe it wasnt. Maybe I got everything, maybe she felt the same...

Maybe there were soo many emotions going through both our heads and hearts that we needed a rest. Maybe, just maybe....

I want to keep our promise as long as she wants me to keep it. She cant tell me how to feel but she can tell me how _she_ feels. Get what you give?

It's a mix of The Fly's and The Streets